Cerita Kocak Google: Dari Cupu Ke Congkak

🇮🇩 Bahasa Indonesia

Sejarah Google: Dari Cupu ke Congkak

Dulu, Google itu bener-bener kayak anak cupu di pojokan kelas yang nggak dianggap. Mesin pencariannya cuma kayak direktori biasa, logonya warna-warni kayak krayon anak TK, dan mereka ngandelin blog gratisan buat hidupin algoritma. Tanpa blogger, mungkin Google dulu nggak punya asupan data buat “belajar”. Sekarang? Mereka udah jadi “bos besar” yang sok-sokan punya jawaban sendiri, bahkan kadang nyolong dari konten blog orang. Ironisnya, kita dulu yang bantuin Google naik, sekarang mereka kayak udah nggak butuh kita, gue aja ditolak mulu ngajuin Google Adsense blog, padahal gue pake platform mereka.

Timeline Kocak Google

Dari cupu sampai jadi AI overlord, inilah perjalanan Google yang penuh drama absurd:

• 1996: Larry Page dan Sergey Brin bikin proyek “BackRub”. Seriusan, namanya “pijatan punggung”. Untung nggak jadi nama resmi.
• 1998: Google lahir resmi. Masih cupu, modal garasi, kayak startup MLM tapi versi nerd.
• 2003: Google beli Blogger. Blogger jadi ATM gratis buat mereka.
• 2004: Luncurin Gmail dengan storage “1GB” yang waktu itu kayak mimpi, karena pesaingnya cuma kasih 10MB.
• 2005: Beli Android. Dulu orang nganggep Android cuma OS murahan, sekarang semua pegang.
• 2015: Google jadi anak emas Alphabet. Artinya, mereka punya dompet lebih tebel dari sultan minyak.
• 2023-2025: AI Gemini hadir. Google sekarang suka jawab sendiri tanpa kasih traffic ke blog.

Google Dulu vs Sekarang

Google Dulu	Google Sekarang
Kayak bocah cupu butuh blogger.	Kayak bos mafia, nyuri traffic dengan AI.
Logo kayak gambar anak TK.	Logo minimalis tapi nyebelin.
Search hasilnya simple.	Search penuh iklan, berita clickbait, dan AI answer.
Blogger disayang.	Blogger jadi anak tiri.

Masa Pubertas Google

Awal 2000-an, Google mulai ngerti “oh, kita bisa cuan”. Lahirlah AdSense. Blogger jadi pabrik konten yang kasih makan algoritma mereka, sementara Google nyedot duit dari iklan. Kita, para blogger, kayak karyawan part-time yang nggak dibayar.

Google Sekarang Congkak

Lihat Google 2025. Punya AI Gemini, bahkan mereka nyomot jawaban langsung di SERP tanpa kasih klik ke blog. Seakan-akan mereka bilang, “Blogger? Ah, itu makanan masa lalu.”

Absurd Solutions: Blogger Lawan Google

Terus kita, blogger, harus gimana? Berikut trik absurd tapi bisa bikin blog kita tetap eksis:

• 1. Konten Unik & Nyeleneh: Bikin artikel yang nggak bisa ditiru AI. Humor receh plus opini pribadi itu racikan terbaik.
• 2. SEO Klikbait: Judul absurd kayak “Google, Mantan Cupu yang Sekarang Jadi CEO Dunia” bisa menarik orang klik.
• 3. Cari Traffic Non-Google: Share di medsos, grup WhatsApp, atau komunitas niche.
• 4. Gunakan Gambar Absurd: Gambar kocak bikin pembaca betah.

Masa Depan Blogger

Meski Google makin congkak, blog masih bisa eksis kalau punya identitas kuat. Algoritma Google suka blog yang punya “rasa manusia”, bukan cuma tulisan robot. Jadi, jangan cuma copas atau full AI. Edit, tambahin opini, dan bikin pembaca senyum.

Menurut lo, Google sekarang masih sahabat blogger atau malah musuh yang pura-pura baik? Tulis pendapat lo di kolom komentar, kita gibahin bareng.

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🇬🇧 English Version

Google History: From Loser to Bossy

Back in the day, Google was like a nerd hiding in the corner of the classroom. Their search engine was plain, their logo looked like a kid’s doodle, and they relied heavily on free blogs to feed their algorithm. Without bloggers, Google might never have survived the early days. Now? They’ve turned into a corporate overlord who sometimes steals answers directly from blogs. Ironically, bloggers helped Google grow, but now it feels like they’ve outgrown us.

The Absurd Google Timeline

From loser to AI overlord, here’s Google’s hilarious journey:

• 1996: Larry Page and Sergey Brin create a project called “BackRub.” Yep, that was the actual name sounds like a massage service, right?
• 1998: Google officially launches. It’s a garage startup, like a nerdy MLM but with servers.
• 2003: Google buys Blogger. Bloggers become their free content factory.
• 2004: Gmail launches with 1GB storage, which at that time was like owning a mansion when others offered 10MB shoeboxes.
• 2005: Google buys Android. People thought it was trash, now everyone uses it.
• 2015: Google becomes Alphabet’s cash cow, swimming in money like Scrooge McDuck.
• 2023-2025: Gemini AI arrives, and Google now answers questions on SERPs without giving bloggers any clicks.

Google Then vs Google Now

Google Then	Google Now
Looked like a nerd begging for content.	Acts like a mafia boss stealing traffic with AI.
Logo looked like kindergarten art.	Logo is sleek but soulless.
Search results were simple.	Search results are cluttered with ads and AI answers.
Loved bloggers.	Treats bloggers like a side gig.

Google’s Puberty Phase

In the early 2000s, Google realized, “Oh, we can make money” and launched AdSense. Bloggers became their free content miners, while Google raked in billions in ads.

Google Today: Boss Mode

Look at Google in 2025. With Gemini AI, they answer directly on the search page, making small blogs starve for traffic. It’s like they’re saying, “Thanks for your content, but we’ll take it from here.”

Absurd Solutions: Blogger Survival Guide

So, how do we survive this bossy Google? Here’s the absurd yet effective survival kit:

• 1. Be Weirdly Unique: Create content that AI can’t mimic. Humor and personal opinions are gold.
• 2. SEO Clickbait: Titles like “Google: The Nerd Who Became a World CEO” grab attention.
• 3. Get Traffic Outside Google: Share on social media, niche forums, and communities.
• 4. Use Absurd Images: Funny or absurd images keep readers entertained and Google impressed.

The Future of Blogging

Even though Google has evolved, blogs are far from dead. As long as your content has a “human soul,” people will read it. AI may dominate, but it can’t replicate genuine humor or personal storytelling.

What do you think? Is Google still a friend to bloggers or just an ex who ghosted us after taking all we gave? Share your thoughts in the comments below 👇